Tuesday, May 23, 2006

(Pseudo)Company Outing

Well, the overdue company outing will push through on Friday night. I don't understand, however, why it's on Friday when most of us have to go to work the next day.

We're just dining out. And I'm going to sing (probably their way of keeping me off the table).

I wasn't originally included in the group to perform but since the guys who play the instrument like "King of Pain," a coworker woke me up and informed me I'm singing it. Alanis's version, of course.

Thinking about it, I prefer "You Learn" which is now playing on my sidebar.

Knowing how people change their minds to keep up with the requests of the big bosses, I might end up singing the national anthem.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

My Language Game

Well, I just came back from a trip. "A" was with us but he was in a different group so we didn't stay in the same hotel. I already saw him when I arrived at the airport. And of course, we shared some mishaps together. But it was fun.

I liked "A" since last year. I met him in a company training and another friend had a crush on him. He wasn't the type I'd like immediately. In fact, he was nerdy and I don't think he'd be able to keep up with me if we'd get a chance to play basketball. But he was very, very nice and sincere.

After we met, it became an ordinary thing to talk and update each other whenever we had the chance to do so. We got to exchange numbers and basically got along together.

So here's a guy I like. And it just occurred to me last night... that he asked me to go someplace while we were in expat land.

It could have been fun but I never thought about it even before I gave him my answer.

Nice guy + strange place + placid evening + a lot of banters = FUN!

I regret saying no. And I didn't even really think about it until I went to sleep last night. When he asked me, I was just considering what time I'd be in the hotel and what time I'd get to sleep. It didn't even occur to me that it was HIM who was asking me out.


What am I normally conscious of?

And how many chances have I unconsciously allowed to slip away?

Monday, May 15, 2006

The Player's Leaving

It was a business trip and I was somehow surprised to see him there although I know I shouldn't be at all. It's funny that we never talked. There was no obvious reason we should but there wasn't any reason why we shouldn't either. It just felt weird.

Many times I'd catch him staring and I was too shy to reciprocate. But I know I'd enjoy looking at him. But I was too shy to be caught so I only had glimpses of him when I know he'd be too busy looking somewhere else. I wasn't always successful though.

In a meeting, I heard his name and someone stopping him to go to Canada.

I wanted to ask why, when, and for how long. But that would all seem to be too weird coming from me knowing that we don't engage in casual conversations. And if I do, I would just confirm everything that I've been trying to hide. I just hope it wouldn't be for too long. And I still wonder why he has to when their business is here.

If he's really decided to go there, I wish I have the chance to wish him well and to ask him to keep in touch.

If I only could.

It's like wishing we'd be good friends then something else.

Yeah, something else...

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

What Do I Do?

I'm up with the "if you don't want me, I don't want you either" game. That means no greetings, no messages, nothing from him nor for him.

Well, at times, I think about it too and ask myself if this is how I want it.

Honestly, the answer is no. I actually want to get this over with. But I keep finding myself "being ignored, confronting him about it, meeting for a while, being ignored again" cycle. I can barely open up with him too.

Knowing each other for years or pretending to do so, I'm not sure if it was right or if I ever had the right to ask him to eat dinner or meet up just to update each other. I can't even play PS with him.

Being extremely busy, I can disregard these issues for a while. But since my family knows him, my mom keeps on fishing some information about him. I didn't want to tell her how exactly the situation is, but I can't give her any definite answer when she asks me how he is. And of course, Mom ends up telling me what "friend" am I for not even knowing if he's taken the board exam.

Well, I didn't tell her he doesn't even know when my birthday is.