Moving on...

Some parts of the e-mail I sent RT, 09/14/07



Well, with Mutant X, he did not propose that we just be friends. I did and he agreed. I asked him, "Can we be just good friends now?"

I noticed we are more free when we don't talk about the possibility of being "us." And I actually told him maybe it would be easier if we start forgetting each other. To this he said he cant decide about that for now but might be open to the idea.

I told him maybe if we give ourselves a chance to date other people, then maybe we can get to know more ourselves and be clear about our feelings toward each other.

This whole conversation was brought up when he asked me what if he fails to come to the Philippines this year or next year. Honestly, I can't promise to wait. So I told him that when he told me he can't promise to come here, I realized we should move on.

I asked him a question similar to what he asked me before, "If you love someone/something, will you just let the chance slip away? Will you leave him/her/it?"

He said he knows what I want to find out and admitted he can't plan yet for next year.

Later, I asked him to call me for a while coz I think we have to talk about it not just online. He did and I told him I'm getting the idea that maybe we don't love each other coz we don't practically see ourselves together. We have plans but there's just "I will..." and "I am..." There's no "We...;" hence, no about "us."

And I suggested again that maybe we can start dating other people. He just became silent and said we talk about it the next day. We both know we aren't going anywhere. And seriously, I think he just proposed because he is pressured by his family to settle down.

When his sister agreed to send him to the US for his MBA, he was able to put things aside, which seems to include me. I'm getting the picture that he still isn't sure about what he wants . Or maybe he does but I will be in the picture later. But there's no point for me to hope I will be.

I'm in no rush to settle down either, but I can't paint the picture of us being together when all paths seem to be clouded.