Dared For the Truth

These are the answers I gave Mike for his Truth or Dare.

If you've read my previous posts, my answer to No. 1 is related to this post.

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1) Tell me about a time that you did something totally oppisite from who and what you are. A time where you threw all caution to the side and went for it. What was it you did and what was the results of your actions and how did you feel afterward?

I was 19 when I goot hooked to the chatroom. Even if I spend hours chatting, I barely give my real name, pics, and mobile number because I didn't want to entertain what seems to be quite desperate people with "Do you have a boyfriend?" conversations and, also because I was looking forward to be in the media in the future and wanted to have a piece of myself private. I just wanted to hold conversations but there are arrays of horny people out there and those who need online security blankets as well.

Then I came across with a guy whom I really learned to like. Names and numbers were exchanged. He knows what university I am in and he reads my blog a lot even over the phone. He sent me greetings every morning before he starts his day at work and floods me with a lot of literature thru my e-mail.

I don't believe in relationships starting in chatrooms. Well, it is possible but it's not my cup of tea. I still prefer to meet a guy upfront and see where everything goes. But with this particular guy, I was ready to give it a shot. So we decided to meet and I scheduled it on my birthday.

I wanted to meet him but I still have a lot of insecurities coming from failed relationships/nonrelationships (and all that jazz). But I thought it was time to see if it was worth another step forward or not. If I'd lose him, I prefer that it be soon coz I'd be undergoing the same pain anyway.

I met with him and he didn't turn out to be exactly my type of guy. But I REALLY liked him. He has ways to get me thinking once in a while about certain things. And the more I felt insecured.

Things didn't turn out as I planned. Why? I don't know. He probably didn't like me. He probably didn't find me attractive. He probably didn't like the way I dressed or talk. I have no idea. Messages then came very sporadic until they were nonexistent. I thought he liked me too, even for a while, but not as much as I felt about him (whatever it is). By then, I think he was still healing from a broken relationship and was looking for rebound or a new one. He even sent me a copy of a story about a lost wallet and having a new one where the person eventually felt comfortable with.

I had to bear with all the "probably" I had in mind and even dared to ask him about it. I would say I am not over with what happened but I am complete with whatever I did and didn't do. What I did is opposite to my standards but not exactly with who or what I am. I just realized what I am capable of doing and feeling. It is a sad thing it ended that way and when I was already sure that I wanted that kind of feeling and doing things with him, but I find the experience liberating.

I remember him at least one day in a year -- on my birthday. On my way to the office on weekdays, I pass by the building of his office because it is just a block away from ours.


2) If there was something that you could change about yourself be it your physical state or personality state or anything else, what would you change and why?

I wish I don't easily get attached to people, the more I'd be able to save myself from pain.


3) Tell me about your deepest darkest desire. What is it? What about it attracts you? and what would you to get it and what would you do with it once you had it?

I still don't have one for this.


4) Tell me about a time you were attracted to a member of the same sex? Even if you were only mildly attracted. What was it that attracted you to this person? If this person made it known to you that they too were attracted to you, how would you react and why?

I was chosen to play basketball for the district and had to get along with some other girls from other schools. Well, as expected, there were lezzies in the team. It didn't matter to me as long as I get along with them well. But I was bothered when one showed interest in me. During practices, I'd catch her staring. Sometimes, even winking. I didn't want to make it a big deal and thought she was just being friendly. On the last day of the competition, the team spent the whole day together. When we were already saying our goodbyes, she hugged me so tight in front of everyone. It was the unusual hug, different from the way the others hugged me.

Later, I pulled another teammate to the rest room because I was already all flushed but shaking and cold. She was tough but pretty and kind. I liked her. But I chose to stick to the "equipped" ones.