Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Strong Suits

As defined in Landmark Education, strong suits are one's fundamental and automatic ways of being that produce results yet leave him/her unfulfilled.

Perfect story to understand a strong suit (as given by Alain Roth):
There was this lady who had a crush on this guy in high school. She liked him so much. On the night of the school dance, he went towards her. And when she thought he was about to ask her, he asked her best friend who was sitting beside her. At that moment, she failed. She told herself she wasn't beautiful. She failed to be beautiful.

The guy became her best friend's boyfriend. But she waited. The time came that the two had a fight and she made sure she was there to comfort him. Immediately after the breakup, she was there for him, listening and comforting him as he cries.

It became them. Eventually, they got married. And many times the guy would say, "I love you because you are caring."

Everytime he tells her that, she's hurt. Coz everytime he tells her he loves her because she's caring, she remembers she isn't beautiful.

Most of the time, a person may have three prevalent strong suits and other strong suits may branch out from them.

This isn't the truth but, as Aljor said, one may consider the development of strong suits as one way one operates his/her life. Let me represent the three strong suits as X, Y and Z.

X is acquired at 3-4 years old, when one learns the facility of language. Something happens that he/she thought something is wrong because he/she failed to be U and chose to be X. It is also possible that he/she thought he/she failed to be X so she decided to be X.

Y is usually acquired at 13-15, when one wants to feel the sense of belongingness. Something happens wherein he/she decides that he/she failed to be, say V. Then he/she thinks that X isn't enough that she decides to be Y too. So he/she has X+Y.

When he/she is already an adult, something happens wherein he/she fails to be, say W. Since X+Y isn't enough, he/she also decides to be on his/her own and becomes Z, X+Y+Z.

As I mentioned earlier, many other strong suits may branch out of X,Y and Z. And the things that happened where one fails to be may reoccur. And when one acquires the three, he/she invalidates everyone else, thinking that no one would be more X, Y or Z.

So I've gone into much introspection and had several orgasms, purely ontological though (thus, the name of this blog).

As of now, I have my X, Y and Z identified:
X = being intelligent
Y = being strong
Z = being different

Now, I'm not ready to go much into detail and how I acquired them. I'm not even sure that what I have in mind are correct.

Well, these strong suits all came from the failure to be. Probably, U, V and W to me. So whenever I use these strong suits to become successful, I am also reminded of U, V and W, making me unfulfilled. These strong suits also get bankrupt. They also don't work at times.

Because of my independence, I also have problems working in groups and I often question authority. Because I am strong, I cannot find any man strong enough for me or at least for my personality. I find no guy any different from any other guy as well.

I have to admit I am taking enough courage (see, I'm strong) to tell you these failures:
U = secured
V = lovable
W = attractive

And when I admit that one is more X, Y or Z than me, I become present to my failures of being U, V and W.

They may be true, they may be not. But this is really one way I'm looking at my life now. And there is no way that I could FIX these failures. I only have to acknowledge them.

I'm really being honest right now. And I know I may not really look good.

So, what are your strong suits?

5possibilities created

At 1:09 AM, Blogger DCS said...

I wouldn't want to venture on my strong suits right now. However, I must say you would make a great philosopher. Of course, you wouldn't get rich pursuing philosophy. :-) However, critical thinking is certainly one of your strong suits! Don't underestimate how you look to others.

I enjoyed reading this, particularly the story about the high school girl. Good example.

At 2:44 PM, Blogger letter shredder said...

well, being unattractive doesn't mean i'm not beautiful. hahaha!

although sometimes, i think i'm too pretty for other people and less likeable than others...

At 9:16 PM, Blogger Dr. Deborah Serani said...

This post *is* a good example.


At 9:16 AM, Blogger Diane S. said...

Wow. What a fabulous post. I've seen you comment on Jamie's blog and got curious and came over here.

My X used to be that I was smart. Really smart. Then I had a head injury, and got epilepsy, and sometimes I'm still smart, and sometimes I'm not so smart. Sometimes I go into the kitchen for a pack of cigarettes and come back with a glass of ice. I had to let my X go, let it quit being the foundation of my identity.

My Y was that I was sexy. Then I got married, and quit trying to be sexy, started dressing, walking, talking, seeming like someone who belonged to someone else. Then I got divorced and felt silly being sexy, so I had to let my Y go (though some men still see it in me anyway, but in an unaccessible sort of way. I want to scream: "I'm accessible!" but then I ask myself, "am I really?"

My Z is that I'm responsible. I keep my word. I pay my bills on time, even if it means going hungry. I stay at the office, not until the clock strikes 5, but until the work is done. My ducks are in rows.

To honor your courage, I too will list my failures.

U = laid back (I'm incredibly controlling)
V = Hard to define. It's not that I'm unlovable. It's that loving me costs dearly. I'm complicated and upsetting. I am anything but easy.
W = good with children. I really wish I were. I'm just not. I didn't have a childhood, and I find it hard to relate to childhood. I'm also maybe a little jealous of it.

You know, I look at your picture, your avatar, and I want to lift your chin, make you look up. I suspect you are more beautiful than you could imagine. There is beauty in intelligence, and stregnth, and the courage to be different.

At 3:21 PM, Blogger Lisa said...

I have done landmark education and your post has helped me re-define my strong suits.
My X, Y, Z's are: Clever, Independant and Powerful.

Because I have to be clever (I failed to be well-behaved at a young age) I struggle to accept criticism or put myself in situations where I risk being wrong.

Because I have to be independant (I failed to be the perfect daughter to my father through my teenage years) I have got myself into a lot of debt trying to prove I can look after myself.

Because I have to be powerful (I failed to stick with some huge choices that I made in my life after school) I can't handle being in situations where I do not have control. I won't go out and drink because then I won't be able to drive myself home if I need to etc.

Thank you for your insight into this, once you get your head around all the X,Y, Z stuff, it makes a lot of sense and it is so true that our strong suits control our lives until we acknowledge them.


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